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He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!! The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal." Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy". I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight." "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children." "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. You'll notice that there are no graphics on this site. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it.

That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce." Florist Mistake On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads! Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign.

"Hold it neighbor" the man says, " I'm your neighbor, I have a ranch only 6 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold! At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. A: Artificial intellegence Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!

There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting.... Not wanting to be unneighborly the new rancher lowers the rifle and ask's " How should I dress? " The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. As he was collecting the snails , he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? " Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.

"Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

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