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He was tall, attractive, and nice, though his background proved to be something way beyond what you’d find in run-of-the-mill boyfriend material.It turned out that Pete was a slow bloomer in terms of accepting his gay sexuality.This despite the fact that we ultimately broke up because he wanted me to be his life partner, and I wasn’t looking for that at all!

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The problem is, I soon realized that Pete was still acting like a married man who was sneaking around on the side.In his old school way, Pete was only openly gay to a certain extent.Having lived a pretend-hetero life for so long, he wasn’t exactly going to be the Grand Marshall of the Gay Pride Parade.By time Pete was smashed and yelling a litany of complaints at me on the phone, I knew it wasn’t worth working all those issues out, not only because he had misdiagnosed the truth, but because he hadn’t flaunted me like the jewel I’d fought in the trenches for years to become.After all I’d been through as a gay writer and activist—fighting for LGBT issues and battling the powers-that-be in the process--I wasn’t going to be someone’s back-door Johnny, a loved one to hold on some occasions and push away on others. If you find yourself trapped in a similar setup, I don’t necessarily feel you have to bolt, especially if you sense that there’s hope for change.

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